I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
