totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
