Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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