Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
