Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
