saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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