And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is classic penis vs brain.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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