a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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