Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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