apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
