i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
