I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
