I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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