I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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