Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
