i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
