WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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