my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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