I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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