called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
