Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
