oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
