clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
