apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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