In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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