I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
