We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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