You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
time to smoke my breakfast
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
