In the future we'll all be gay
look no pants
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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