If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
