im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
