I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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