i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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