I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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