dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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