Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
