what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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