i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How naked do you want me to be?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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