i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
