Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The best revenge is premature balding
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
