He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
