You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
