her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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