Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
