i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
