Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
