oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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