Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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