If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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