You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
