So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
